Penultimate

It is not the day before the last day of 2010, which cannot come soon enough to end this dreadful year; it is, however, the day before the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice. December 21, sometime before 5:00 p.m., the sun will pause and then begin a northerly trek back toward spring and summer. Though I know it is not the sun that moves away and toward us, the spinning and rotating earth does the actual work here, all appearances in the sky give the impression of the sun gliding across the heavens.

It is just before 9:00 PST here in Reno, NV and the sun is perched far to the south, peeking through a gray layer with slanting rays illuminating the coating of snow we received overnight. These are the bleakest of days for me, depression and gloom press down on me like a lead weight of doom. This year has been one of the most difficult in recent history. Only 2004 may have been equally dismal with divorce and death taking the breath out of the year. 2010 has been as grim, though darker and more fraught with black undertones. This has been the year that I have firmly decided that I do not want to remain in Reno. Circumstances say otherwise but I must find a way to be resolute in learning some way out. Otherwise, I will die here without having escaped to a life I want to live.